Patient / Patience - R.#1
So – today am looking at the word
“Patience” also because it came up within me drawing the
“I-Ching” orakle today where the draws description or name is
“nourished while waiting” and the according action: “Patience”.
Now, looking at a word Patience in it
self, i saw that my current definition or what it “means” to me
is that “i have to be patient WITH something/someone outside”,
that there are things/points/circumstance i can not change/influence
and that i have to silently/inactively wait for those to conclude –
Points/things/circumstances that are out of my control and i can not
do anything more, than wait, see and hope for the best – which is a
very disempowering definition righ there. It also contains a
dimension of “blame”, as i blame external points
(people/circumstances/the system) for me apparently having to wait
and being/feeling incapacitated.
Looking where this comes from, i
primarily see childhood memories, where i was “told” to be
patient with either waiting to “get something”, to receive a
reward or something that i wanted “later”, after this or that was
done...or being patient in situations/moments that i did NOT like or
want to be in like waiting at the doctors office or being at school –
so i learned to “bear with” negative AND positive experiences
that i was going through and to “just wait them out”, that there
is nothing i can do about it. So actually the word Patient became a
support for my Mind in that i learned to be passive, inactive and
docile to the mind and abusive experiences within as well as
compromising/abusive experieces/situation without – and most
importantly i learned to be/feel powerless towards those experiences
or situations as well as my own mind.
Current definition of
Patient/being patient: Having to wait for something or
someone to pass/stop/change or for something to appear/come/manifest,
without being able to effectively influence the outcome.
Sounding the word and origin:
Thus, its also “the patient”,
the one in the clinic, being sick of ill(usions), waiting and
hoping while being handled and treated by others (dependent on
external support systems)
Looking the word up in the dictionary
gives me a key to effectively redefine/life patience, in that it
adresses the dimension of blame i noticed in the first section:
patient
(adj.): mid-14c., "enduring without complaint," from Old
French
patient:
bearing provocation, annoyance, misfortune, delay, hardship, pain,
etc., with fortitude and calm and without complaint, anger, or the
like.
Redefining
the word:
So
this is already very interesting, as i now see how this “subtle”
dimension of installed blame/projection and making it “about
external points” instealled in my definition of Patience/Patient,
is making it impossible for me to really live/express the full
potential of this word as me and me as this word – it more becomes
a system of self-suppression and self-denial, as real patience then
requires me to “adress, forgive, work with” the experiences that
arise within me while in a situation i have to wait for or bear
something – so first part is to empower myself by adressing my
INNER experiences and change them through living patience/being
patient.
The
second part also starts with a “key” where in one Eqafe-Interview
– i think Anu in the Reptilian Series Part 43 – it was said that:
Patience is not an experience, patience is about MOVEMENT” and in
that i see that i have never been “patient with me”, that i did
not live/express patience with me “walking my process”, in
changing certain points/parts as continous process, a process of
self-creation but more have lived/experienced as the
waiting/hoping/expecting “external points to change”
To
make it more concrete, a example: Last week i read an
article/publication that i had a almost instant reaction of
blame/projection/judgement/backchat to and thus consequentially went
into a experience of disempowerment and dispair about the “state of
the world”/the brainwashing level/the wrongness/twistedness of it
all”, which is basically where i “left myself”. I then go into
the point/experience of “I can´t do anything about it anyways”,
insecurity, doubt. Basically i see myself as the victim of other
peoples illusions and points i do not agree on or that i see
differently BUT I CAN NOT express myself/voice myself and my
vision/perspective of things CLEARLY. I will not be heared, seen and
not be understood or just be discarded anyways. (Underlying
point/Believe). So here, patience/being patient the “old way”
would be to just sit and wait in blame, till these people get it, see
it...bear with whatever is happening on earth till it kind of sorts
itself out.
If
i bring the point back to myself and firstly remove the layer of
blame/projection, i see that patience and being patient is about ME
moving myself and developing the skill/capability to explain the
point/s that i am seeing + their appropriate solutions – so in
that, i do NOT have to wait for anything or anyone else and i do what
inadvertently say/claim others should do.
Being
patient with myself in creating myself as the solution for this word.
It means to not wait for some kind of “Outcome” but deciding and
directing myself in the process of self-creation – which is really
a game-changer from waiting for particular external outcomes to
signify/validate that i have changed/am changing to a integral and
integrated living application of myself as “who i am” in what i
do, live and create.
I
forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to think and
believe that patience and being patient has something to do with
other people or external circumstances.
I
forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to see and
realize that patience and being patient is about me and who i am
within and how i move/through points of self-creation.
I
forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to disempower
myself by making patience and being patient to “waiting for other
people/circumstances to be or give me what i want it to be” -
instead of empowering myself by putting patience into myself and
walking/moving with patience as me actively.
I
forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to think and
believe that i have to/need to “make due” and bear with other
peoples opinions/believes/behaviours if i see that it is not best for
me/my life without and that i have accepted and allowed myself to
accept/tolerate/make due with/cope with the
experiences/reactions/states my mind creates within myself and so i
forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define/live
the word “patience/being patient” towards points in separation
such as my mind or other people – instead of owning patience and
being Patient with myself in walking my process of self-forgiveness,
self-honesty and self-change as well as any point, manifestation,
process or expression i decide to walk and create.
I
commit myself to empower myself in living and walking patience in my
process of unifying my mind-being-body!
I
commit myself be patient with my self as i move and walk through
points and create my self.
I
commit myself to realize that patience and being patient has nothing
to do with “other people” “external points/circumstances” but
with how i move my self.
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